It Has Been Said: "The Aristocrats" version #1

A family walks into a talent agency. It's a father, mother, son, daughter and dog. The father says to the talent agent, "We have a really amazing act. You should represent us."

The agent says, "Sorry, I don't represent family acts. They're a little too cute."

The mother says, "Sir, if you just see our act, we know you would want to represent us."

The agent says, "OK. OK. I'll take a look."

With that, the mother opens the door and in walks a hairy dyke with an 18 inch strap on dildo lined with straight edge razor blades, dressed in a sailor bunny costume, clown make up, a mouse eared Nazi Helmet, Italian leather shoes and a chefs coat....carrying a boom box that is blasting an assorted mix of '70s hits and "All My Lovin'" by the Beatles...... who the agent immediately recognizes to be a serial killer that escaped and has been on the lam for near on three weeks.


The family drop their pants and grab their ankles while the killer begins to systematically fuck them all to death beginning with the father... making sure to hack an appendage from the dying body of the previous victim and ram it into any available orifice of the next whilst she starts the murderous violation on the next one in line. As she rams the razor dildo with elephant like force, she simultaneously takes huge bites of flesh out of the bleeding end of the amputated and deposited appendage.... chewing rapidly and spewing foul commentary pertaining to the useless existence of the person she is currently fucking to death. Occasionaly spiting human flesh and blood directly at the agents face.


As the serial killer finishes the dog and is ramming a furry hind leg into the quivering young vaginal orifice of the whimpering young daughter... the agent happens a look toward the mother and son now naked and engaged in mutual masturbation noticing the mother mouthing the words "fuck her little cunt.... yeah....cum on mommy"... the mother smiles at the agent in a knowing and loving mother like manner....and calmly tells him that this part gives the act a timing edge which he will see is all too important to the end result of the act....
Just as the killer is pushing the tip of the strap on into the child.... the child utters in a far too rehearsed manner through snivels and squeals of pain....
"Help me, baby Jesus.... help me! Save us!"


To which the door again fly's open nearly thrown from it's hinges allowing the billowing smoke and flood of other wordly light to illuminate the shadow of none other than Jesus H. Christ, arms raised (alternately Moses, as Jesus was too busy for some reason..... allowing Moses to finish the job and kill the killer as well) and entering the room as if floating.....


This of course causes the serial killer to hasten her strokes as she spews a mouth full of dog flesh on Jesus and rips the young girls head off... then throwing it at the mother and son, sending the mother into throws of ecstasy while her son unloads a wad of thick viscous cum on both her and the detached head of the young girl... it's face still mouthing some words that are indiscernible to the agent from his perspective under the mother with his tongue up her ass.


Christ then begins to do what Christ is always expected to do and lays his hands firstly upon the father, commanding him back to life. With no choice other than to obey the father rises, having been resurrected and begins to simultaneously beat the serial killer with her own strap on dildo, causing horrific lacerations through the whimpering snivel from the killer of "that isn't fair..... and you cheated" while skull fucking the killers eye socket with the fathers intestines and other innards flailing about and falling to the floor.


Soon Jesus has the other victims revitalized and begins healing their physical wounds when the mother flings a hand full of shit into the serial killers bleeding eye socket having somehow dragged herself across the room with her son and the agents heads firmly up her ass and stinking vaginal orifice, respectively.


The father, having finished with the killer, removes the dogs leg from the still headless body of the daughter and rips a large piece of flesh off of it and begins to chew...as he then begins fucking the open wound of the girls torso where her head used to be..... then bending her body backwards and tearing her asshole out with yet another varatious bite from his teeth and a dog like growl.... to which Jesus stated;

"Hey, do you mind? I don't believe in the make work mentality.... you didn't say this was a union gig....."


The father stops and stands there panting looking at the dead body of the dyke serial killer and muttering some hateful curse in what seems to be a Donald Duck voice.


While Jesus continues to resurrect and heal the limp and detached body of the child, he simultaneous begins to urinate into the eye socket of the dead dyke very near on the floor... the sound of it much like filling a cup with liquid from a considerable distance... which is met with substantial cheers and encouragement from the father....


Jesus then stops his very common statement of "be healed" and tells the dead dyke that "I'll be with you in a minute, whore" then resuming the process with the child and the now suffocated son and agent.....pulling them gingerly from the orifices of the exhausted and rather pleased mother....


When Jesus resurrects and heals them all..... they all stand there and begin thanking him profusely while the now healed dyke begins to pull flowers out of her ass and hand them out around the room. As soon as everyone in the room has at least one flower... the family, dyke and Jesus then form a circle holding hands with the dog happily skittering around their feet.... all saying in unison; "Keep coming back... it works."


To which the agent responds from his desk...."I'm a Jew, so I'm just not that into the Jesus thing...but....."

and...

For the longest time, the agent just sits in silence. Finally, he manages, "That's a hell of an act. What do you call it?"

And the father says, "The Aristocrats!"