Club Sandwich Revelation

I have recently noticed, as useless as it may seem, that I actually prefer club sandwich's after they have been around for awhile. More directly, after they have been refrigerated or at least exposed to the cool autumn elements for some time.


I find that I actually don't mind the softness of the toast after such exposure, storage. The flavor is still there enough to serve the purpose of such a mundane food item. I guess I should say that I don't mind the softness of the toast more than I do mind the near bleeding gums that are common after eating the normal version of the club sandwich. It just seems a bit self destructive to battle through the consumption of something as arbitrary as a sandwich, hoping not to inflict too much physical harm upon yourself... only to then say that you thought it to be good.... as if it were some standard setting goodness... when really, it's nothing more than some sliced turkey, vegetable matter, mayonnaise and bacon on some rather dry and sadictive bread.


Factually, if it weren't for the pork the club sandwich wouldn't even be worthy of mention in many ways. Except of course in communicating the dangers of not just two pieces of gum shredding bread, but three. As if two pieces of such mouth damaging bread product weren't enough. Then of course in exploring the development of such a hurtful food item. Some sadist somewhere thought it would be fun, I imagine, to make people eat the food worlds equivalent of sand paper in it's most abrasive form... and in such a manner as to produce the "triple blade effect" of most modern shaving tools. The first piece of toast grips your gums... then the second sheers a solid chunk of the first layer or so of skin... while the third follows up, finishing the job through ripping the remaining two layers from your flesh. People still insist that they are good.


Hardly a fair price for the simple pleasure of enjoying what most club sandwich's contain as a scant portion of cooked bacon. Everyone knowing that all of the other proteins and vegetables on a club sandwich are nothing but filler. A side show... a distraction, even an excuse and cover as it were, for the mysterious guilty pleasure of eating bacon....no matter how much more of them in volume that there is compared to the very little cooked and crispy bacon.... perhaps even smoked.. with a hint of salty bliss.

If ever I order another club sandwich in a restaurant, I will specify at the very least that all other ingredients except the mayonnaise be replaced with more bacon... and I will insist that they charge me no more than the regular price. It's the least they can do considering the physical harm a person must endure to eat such a malicious menu item.


Seems like a very mean trick to place such a wonderful goal of pork bliss beyond the confines of such impending harm.... It could be a rather wonderful testimony to just what people will put themselves through to experience that magnificent yet fleeting moment of Pork-gri-la. Such a plight and struggle for that euphoric instant... almost Shakespearian.... but with a bit more payoff. The trials and tribulation of knowing the resulting damage to be incurred... the strife... the inspiration.


I can imagine that the club sandwich just might have been the inspiration for things like barbed wire and even razor wire. Can't you just see it? A business lunch filled with bloody spittle from the mouths of chatting suits in the fence material business... leading to an industry changing development of fence materials. It really isn't that far fetched. "Great Lunch, guys! We should do this more often."


I would even venture that the club sandwich is the inspirational point where the idea for paper napkins came from. Blood stains on linen are really hard to remove.

Q; "Hey are you guys Vampires of the daytime?"
A; "No we are business people, and we just had club sandwich's... no.. really... it's our own blood that is dripping from our mouth's."


It isn't as though I have ever really liked club sandwich's that much anyhow. I just noticed how much less my mouth hurt after eating a club sandwich that had softened with exposure. Not one abrasion. All the pork flavor.

Photo- news.bbc