A Peek Through The Keyhole; Some of the funniest stuff I have ever seen.

It is difficult to find a place to begin this piece.... it's complicated in some respects, but quite simple in it's total. Firstly I suppose, you have to realize how absolutely sad and pathetic the majority of it is. Once you have done that, it becomes uproariously funny of it's own volition.

Yes, it is in poor taste to laugh at the hardships of others... but can such be extended to hardships that most of them have brought upon themselves.... and in ways that you may not, as of this point in this piece understand? I definitely think not. Especially given the fact that it is very much about occurrences in and around my own life..... about people that I used to be related to, as well as some of what many of you would consider close friends....but could now no longer even identify them as human beings.

The difficult part to understand about this, is in gaining perspective... in really understanding what has transpired in the larger picture.

To hurry a bit of such insight for the sake of efficiency here-in I will go into my personal relations from the perspective of what you may consider "big money corporations" and those sniveling imps in the world that think they can ever be of "big money" through the pilfering of other peoples lives.

My uncle on my fathers side, was very much involved with the Hollywood scene for some years..... very much a part of many productions and at a time before there were loads of different studios and heavy competition. Everyone really did know everyone else back then, in that scene especially. You could not throw a rock in the movie industry without hitting someone that my uncles career has been a part of in some way. It is my uninterested understanding that he chummed around with the likes of Orson Welles and other prominent names from that era... but in a behind the scenes way... he was no "on screen talent" and never really pursued it from my perspective.

If it ever had been of interest to me, I very much could have (and maybe still could) walked into any studio in Hollywood and find employment at just about any level I desired. It has simply never been an ambition of mine.

To illustrate a bit further, such a relationship as per myself and my uncle on my father's side, was never in the effect of rights to any residuals for my person from his career. The laugh of this is that my sibling and other cousins were without the faintest clue about even the depth at which my uncle on my father's side had existed within the entertainment industry.... and... as per occurrences since around 1999, I can see why it is that people chose not to allow them to be privy to such to any degree, and for reasons that I cannot help but agree with after having witnessed the effect of them myself.

Hang with me here, you will soon see the outright hilarity of this.... I assure you.

The laugh here isn't topically available.... even those being the butt can't seem to see it... which I suppose is part of the wealth in the comedic value.

I guess I really should single my sibling out without including the influences that sent them on their goose chase. Those influences are the type of people that most on the planet consider scavengers of the highest order. They are the type that want so much to be part of anything, that they waste their lives 'finding things out' that they think will get them included. My relation through familial ties, with my uncle on my father's side, turned out to be one of those 'things to get them included,' or so it was that they believed.

Quite factually, all that any of the scavengers really 'found out' was topical information through what ever Internet search's, family history search's they could perform... and from what ever gossip they could get hold of from the industry itself.

These tactics served to be quite the success... though very much NOT in the manner they had hoped. If I didn't have such a disregard for their tactics and less than human approach.... I would actually feel bad for them. they proved to be a success in the manner that made them even a bigger joke to the industry itself, than ever they were before.

Sure, you can say that they are just mentally ill... but mentally ill people don't go to so much trouble to try and 'break into the scene' of anything in such a manner.... mentally ill people do not put so much at risk, thinking that they have everyone fooled...even further..thinking that they are smart, smarter even than the loads of people enjoying the punchline...... which is really part of the over all punch-line from a given perspective. They will, in fact, do anything as long as they think it will get them closer to that which they seek. I don't blame the people messing with them for doing so..... when you think about it, you just might as well.

Now then, to further illustrate the intricacies of this joke... I will note the occurrences that happened beginning in the mid-late 1990's around my life in the Seattle area.

I have always been a rather "blue collar-ish" type of guy. I possess intellect, I possess talents.... but nothing I really would rate over anyone else in allot of respects. I have always worked for a living...earning my own way regardless of how successful or otherwise it has been at different points in my life.

I moved to Seattle, Washington in late 1989. I soon found a job at a small local hotel as a dishwasher. I soon began cooking there as well... and my actual career in the culinary field began (though I had fast food jobs in my youth).... which makes sense to me as cooking has always been a part of my life... much of it I learned from my Great Aunt. I cooked at that hotel for nearly five years... but it is there that the "research" began about my personal heritage... along with it... began the rumors.

Now another part of the hilarity here, is that with those rumors and speculation, came the development of unwarranted jealousies... people I didn't even know suddenly had grudges against me... for no reason other than their own twisted perspectives.... as did, I now find, many that I did actually interact with. Much of these jealousies stemmed immediately from management personel... none of which I even knew about at the time. It was all back bighting and sniveling bickering contests about what really amounts to nothing... nothing more than their own sad perspectives. Enjoy this with me here.... their own speculations and assumptions made them jealous. They made themselves angry at NOTHING.

I changed jobs around late 1994... and began cooking at a rather high profile restaurant establishment in the area. James Beard type of stuff. Sadly... there were to be the same types of perspectives there.. though again, nothing outward... just bickering and back bighting.

This becomes even more of a sad, sick joke once you realize that from these jealousies and rumors.... a sad, caustic environment soon materialized in a subversive sense. Once it was 'found out' that I was related to such a point of 'connection,' it wasn't much later that I was suddenly to gain some sort of notoriety in the form of wealth and/or fame..... what this proved to do was fuel the rodents clambering over one another to attach themselves to my person/existence in ANY WAY THEY COULD... besides of course, actual human interaction and honest relationships.... all in an effort to 'get a piece of the action.' Many even attempted to 'place' themselves in a manner in which to lay claim to such fictitious 'ascension' as their own. Thinking there was no reason that they should have to share 'my' good fortune with anyone... even myself.

I look back at it now, and find some of the most pathetic scams a person can think of... even to the tune of having claimed former marriage with myself as well as children that couldn't possibly have taken place. In the initial parts of this.. leading up to the all out social sniveling brawl that would inssue....it could be estimated that waiting to go on record, I had several wives and children, as well as being indebted to every form of business that was in that city AND even a few in other states. Hardly any of which could have physically happened.... all of the paper work being completed and waiting for the proper moment to be filed....

Now then... in the stooges dynamic of this... it would seem that none of the parties involved actually thought that any of the other parties involved had the same pathetic ideas. What's more, is that they ALL thought that they were intelligent in doing so..."so much smarter than everyone else"........and none of them even considered for a moment how incredibly hilarious they looked carrying on the posturing as if they were in sole contention for something.. that big "in" as it were.... as if none of them even suspected that their "wicked and evil little plan (actually being pathetic)" could have been discovered, much less duplicated to the degree of one of the biggest social punchlines EVER. Most of these people claiming that they would keep it on the hush hush... so as to 'save their own face' from the embarrassment of my existence. I even experienced people stealing my personal belongings, for souvenirs or perhaps to "prove their claims"... as if I were already a celebrity.... earings... cooks tools.... clothing... photographs... just sad... damn funny, but sad....

Put that in perspective with my actual daily life. There wasn't a work day that I didn't break a sweat in the kitchen. I never once claimed to be 'more special' or more deserving than any of my co-workers, though outwardly had earned quite a bit of respect in regard to my professional performance....never even raising my voice to any co-workers under some rather stressful conditions. Apparently all any of that served to do was become more fuel for the self perpetuating gossip and self inflicted jealousies.

I can only guess that the rumor of my impending "stardom" and/or wealth began from the very likes of people that are still enjoying the punchline of this social swill... for the purposes that it definitely gained.. which was to maintain and promote the pathetic actions of very desperate, undeserving people. I just laugh... I never really considered extreme wealth or fame in a serious manner... I have always been resigned to earning my keep and had thought it was going to be through cooking the rest of my life....

If it is that I ever found any "fame," it would very much have been as result of the fruits of labor.... I never looked to 'instant stardom' or instant recognition of any sort. It's just damn funny.

I left Seattle for a sabbatical of sorts.... having started a new job with another supposed James Beard level of establishment... only to be met with some of the overflow of the result of that "stooges cycle" of rumor. It seems, from what I can tell of my brief relationship with some of those other "new employees," that I had managed quite a professional reputation. Some of them being from N.Y.C. and others from San Francisco.... having heard of my performance.... I was somewhat flattered for a very short time... then taken back when the effect of the local rumors began to set in.... and more of the looting of personal effects....

I arrived in Las Vegas, Nevada... to spend a couple of weeks relaxing and to contemplate what I had just been exposed to in the form of the incredibly immature and un-expected display in Seattle. They were even fighting among each other, about what they should be able to claim... what recognition they warranted in some fictitious manner. Sad... sick... but funny as hell when I look back at it.

I went to Vegas... because I had relatives there. I always have.... but laughably, they proved to be as stupid as the morons in Seattle... even more so in thinking that those involved in Seattle knew something about life, that none of them knew.... mostly thinking that their fabricated, fictitious and topical information from their gossip and Internet search's, about our own lives, was more valid than their own insights. Just damn funny.... Every one of my sibling and cousins on my mothers side, fell for their twisted version of existence and "how they were going to handle things...." specifically the 'things' that were figments of their own imagination to begin with.... (though maybe instigated from the direction of people having a little fun with their greed).

To further fuel their greedy salivations... you should know that through their topical search's, they discovered that both sides of my family stepped off of the Mayflower. My physical heritage extends even beyond Old Europe... directly through it and many Royal lines.

This must have proven to be wonderful inspiration for the uninformed scavengers in the Pacific Northwest....... many still believing that I could, as per my direct heritage, even lay claim to the Thrown of England if I so pleased....
Yes.. laugh. It is sad... but incredibly funny. Factually, I would have no interest in such directions.... beyond that... such assumptions only show how actually uninformed those claiming to "know how to work this deal" are..... I'll not bore you explaining it here... but research it if you want to add to the laughter. They seriously think things like that. It is much of their motive. Yes... please laugh.


My sibling became different people than what I knew entirely... within a few weeks after I arrived in Las Vegas. Every one of them thinking that they were going to "strike it rich" in one form or another... having believed the uninformed morons in the Pacific Northwest, and their claims to knowing how to really handle the situation.

Yes.... my sibling actually thought that complete strangers knew more about how to handle their own lives, than did they... just all of a sudden after decades of existence. These morons were convinced that I (and possibly my sibling) were due something because of this close relation with my fathers brother (being deceased anyhow), and they knew how to get it.

It was when I witnessed my own siblings immediate change, that I realized why it is that none of them were ever quite privy to the extent of my uncles involvement in the entertainment industry.

My sister in law nearly instantly became a psychopath, stage mom... thinking that through the morons in Seattle, and my families supposed affiliations... that she was going to make her only child (my nephew) a big star. She was going to 'earn this' because she was more deserving (as they all think) than any other, and because she is such a good mother.... she is only "doing this for her sons best interest" is her mantra. Keep in mind here, that this is a woman that let the television raise her only son, locked away in his room with hardly any friends... having to survive on T.V. dinners as she sat on the couch complaining of a hard day at work.... answering telephones to make hotel reservations.

My nearest older brother, her ex-husband... suddenly lost any semblance of what I saw as individualism and his own personality.... he fell into the same sad "super secret we can get a big score" attitude.... If I could illustrate how bad their supposed "secret actions" were.... in doing nothing but the same, lame clambering for something fabricated.. to lay some claim to get that big score... you would probably cry... to view it removed is hilarious... to know that they actually think they are going to get ahead of anything, and make a big score... is kind of sad. They actually believed complete strangers about what they were due, about their own lives... and more so on how to attain it. They were listening to people that obviously had never gotten "it" to begin with... telling them how to achieve "it." After decades of their own, fairly successful and comfortable lives.

My Oldest Brother..... I have to say that I'm not surprised at all by his response. He is in his 50's and has failed at just about everything, except games dealing, in his life. He tried Amway.... He tried Realestate.... He tried to become a lawyer.... just about any "new big thing" to come along... he was immediately in line.... a late night infomercial, get rich quick scheme publishers wet dream. He has closets full of "get rich quick" how too's... none of which ever worked for him. My oldest brother must have been born "with a hook in his mouth." P.T. Barnum said something to the effect of "there's a sucker born every minute." He was right.... I met him... the sucker that is. It's my oldest brother. There is nothing that my oldest brother would stop at, if he thought it would get him that "big score." Fortunately enough, I never knew much of my oldest brother as he was "on his own" when I was born.... He has spent most of his adult life dealing black jack in Vegas.... he could probably tell you with a startling accuracy, what number value card is going to be next out of any dealing shoe.....I suppose that's an attribute.... but it still hasn't gotten him the "big score." He is definitely one of the self serving type of as#holes that fall for the type of crap they have fallen for.... thinking he is really going to get something out of it. I'm none too surprised with how he reacted.... more predictably than the others I might say.

My only and oldest sister.... suddenly thought she was going to "score" with pretending to be in control-to know what was going on, and pretending to always be part of "it" through agreeing with everything the morons in the Pacific Northwest told her.... she was ready to take the bull by the horns I'll tell ya. Man was she going to clean some things up! She was even going to decide which old hotels stayed and which old hotels went there in Vegas....'cause she was "in with the lord." I guess she forgot about how she hated our oldest brother... and all of her actual financial underhandedness in getting what ever she could get her hands on through our lives.... no matter how she had to lie to do it..... not very Christian and not better than our oldest brother at all. Really, from my perspective... they are very much the same person.

It's amazing how they all thought that what amounts to mentally ill, purposefully misled people in the Pacific Northwest and their self inflicted delusions through NOT MINDING THEIR OWN BUSINESS... was somehow going to make them all suddenly wealthy beyond their wildest dreams.

What it boils down to, is a few people that went nosing around my person, un invited with the intent of one form of fraud or another... happened upon some information that they knew nothing about, being my relation with the uncle I have told you about....as well as my extended heritage..... this fueled with gossip and rumors from their own "Hollywood connections," created this situation and false reality that they were going to stop at nothing to get a piece of.

If they had reliable "Hollywood connections," they wouldn't have been snooping around blindly to begin with. They wouldn't need such pathetic tactics to "get in" on anything. They wouldn't be running circles around themselves based on fabricated crap in their head, thinking they were going to "get in" on something. They would already be "in." They wouldn't have to worry about attaching themselves in so many sad ways. So many delusions.... surviving on who they can fool into thinking they know what they are talking about.... but really not even being smart enough to realize that.

I do hope that you can see some of the immeasurable comedy that this has produced.

I may not agree with their tactics... but I do feel the need to extend kudo's to those who have orchestrated, through the greed of others.... the very large and nearly undetectable (to those blinded with their greed) joke which seems was so easy to put into play..... making those who would claim to sport some power and control, the butt of the joke of their own actions...through their own self servitude, envy, uninformed perspectives... and of course... greed.

It is, when it is all said and done... easily the funniest thing I have ever seen.